There’s always a payoff for bad behavior

All our behavior that we repeat has a payoff.  Sometimes we don’t realize what the payoff is, but it is there.  What’s the one bad habit you can’t seem to stop?  What payoff do you get by continuing to behave in that way?  As an example, when I lose my temper and yell at my kids, it often gets them to be quiet and go in the other room.  The payoff I get is immediate relief from the noise and distraction of whatever they are fussing about.  However, in the long run, this is destructive behavior.  It teaches my kids that I won’t listen.  I don’t believe in being a pushover as a parent, but I do believe that our children model our behavior.  I have seen it in my children.

I do not want to teach my kids that the way to deal with behavior you don’t like in others is to yell and intimidate.  I have to find another, more productive way to resolve the situation and get the payoff I desire.  Once you realize the payoff that you want, then you can find a better way to achieve it.